East: Tampa Bay Rays: The Rays will win the division because they will score more runs than their opponents very often throughout the season. #baseballforidiots
Central: Detroit Tigers: Clint Eastwood told me in a dramatic fashion that Detroit would win this division after halftime. #commericalreference
West: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: The Houston Astros decide to get a head start and win this division by 10 games. (Reality = Pujols' Angels)
Wild Card 1: New York Yankees: The Yankees will fall to this slot just to see themselves get eliminated by the Red Sox in the Wild Card play-in round, which was seemingly created to let the Yankees play the Red Sox every year moving forward for the rest of time.
Wild Card 2: Boston Red Sox: Red Sox will out edge the Rangers for this last spot. Bobby Valentine will manage half the season wearing Groucho glasses. #plus10foroldjokes
Pennant: Boston Red Sox: Boston over Tampa Bay, geographically and baseball-wise as well.
MVP: Jose Bautista: But only in a Tim Kurkjian voice.
Cy Young: David Price: #exclamationpoint
Rookie of the Year: Matt Moore: the Miami Dolphins QB or maybe the baseball version of Matt Moore.
East: Philadelphia Phillies: Miami adds all-stars, Washington has Strasburg, Atlanta has a great bullpen and the Phillies are playing without a right infield. Phillies Win! #Iamnotbiased
Central: Milwaukee Brewers: Prince Fielder will not be getting any Discount Double Checks in Milwaukee this year, but it won't matter. Brewers win the division.
West: Arizona Diamondbacks: The Rattlesnakes will win the West because I saw a baby playing with a rattle in Arizona.
Wild Card 1: Atlanta Braves: "Chipper Jones comes back and the Braves win the World Series" -Braves Fans still living in the 1990s
Wild Card 2: Washington Nationals: Stephen Strasburg racks up 300 Ks, but the bad part is he won't pitch in the play-in round and they lose to the Braves.
Pennant: Philadelphia Phillies: The Pennant will fly where It's Always Sunny.
MVP: Albert Pujols: He is going to win this hands down! I was in a coma this past offseason so I’m still trying to catch up with what has happened around the league.
Cy Young: Roy HamLee #three20winpitchers
Rookie of the Year: Chicago Cubs Henry Rowengartner or Bryce Harper's War Paint