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Stache Debate: Joba vs. Cole Hamels

Saturday, March 30, 2013 1:44 PM

Girls, I got great news for you – THE MOUSTACHE IS BACK!

On more and more occasions, men between the ages of 24-45 are sporting distinguished soup strainers on their upper lips. Charities like Movember have led to moustaches also becoming more visible in pop culture, with actors like James Franco, Jude Law and Liev Schrieber showing off their face hair.

Yet, it’s been a while since the ‘stache was a popular thing in sports. With regard to baseball in the 70’s, one would be hard-pressed to find a player without a moustache. Now, they’re as rare as a Pablo Sandoval inside-the-park-homerun. However…

Meet Cole Hamels and Joba Chamberlain. Whether or not you’re a fan of these two pitchers, you have to give them an immense amount of credit for showing millions of fans that they've got guts.

Who’s got the better misplaced eyebrow?

Joba Chamberlain – 7 out of 10 pieces of food caught in the moustache (that’s my scoring system)

Joba has an adorable, pudgy face, which kinda begs for a moustache. I’m glad he has obliged fans by growing one. It looks good, and reminds me of the days of baseball where any ol’ fat guy can play baseball. Not unlike when Jason Giambi grew a ‘stache, fans “grew” to the idea of their players showing off this rare species of Dirt Squirrel. Also, Yankees players can’t grow facial hair outside of moustaches, so maybe Joba is just too lazy to shave his whole face.

Cole Hamels – 8 out of 10 PoFCitM

Remember the rage associated with women finding Tom Selleck’s moustache so sexy and manly that they threw themselves upon him any chance they got? They’re gonna do that to Hamels. Perfectly groomed, thick and dark brown. Along with his defined cheekbones, this moustache totally justifies the obsession from women. I wish I could grow a stach like that, but alas…

So, ladies, the moustache is making a comeback and be ready. I see 40% of MLB players having one by the end of the season. That’s great news for you, but it’s bittersweet since no player will ever be as glorious with a moustache as the legendary Gorman Thomas.

What do you think: Cole or Joba? Comment below.

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