A tearful admission of guilt? A heartfelt apology? A supermodel's physique instead of a superstar's?

Of course, none of the above came out of Bonds' first press conference of 2005.

The man who is the focus not only of baseball history in the making but also, right or wrong, of the steroids issue in baseball appeared Tuesday to be pretty much the same man who reported to camp a year ago.

He's remains buffed like a linebacker, unapologetic bordering on hostile about suspicions surrounding him, and angry about a lot of things, past and present. Through the clouds that hang over him, he remains able to crack a joke here and there, and able to fire contentious salvos at the media like nobody this side of Bobby Knight.

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In other words, he's still Barry Bonds.

To know him, at least to the extent he lets you know him, is to forever be confounded by him.

But here's something we might not have expected from Tuesday's show: Perhaps more than in any of his other media events like this, Bonds revealed himself with bare emotions and insight into what makes him tick.

For one thing, he seems legitimately concerned about his two offseason knee surgeries as he's breathing down the neck of Babe Ruth's 714 homers, even as he confidently states he'll be ready for Opening Day.

For another, he's not shrinking away from the suspicions that dog him, steering clear of questions about the BALCO grand-jury investigation for legal reasons, yet not exactly backing away from questions about steroids in general or of Jose Canseco's literary allegations.

In an emotive half-hour session, Bonds touched on everything from the roots of his public persona to his thoughts on race. Along the way, he further stoked the fires of his contentious relationship with the media, calling reporters "professionals" in one breath and "liars" the next.

The ground rules of Tuesday's event were no BALCO questions and no personal questions, but when the steroids questions continued to come in waves, Bonds didn't shy away from taking shots at the gathered media.

"This is old stuff," he said. "I mean, it's like watching 'Sanford and Son,' you know, just rerun after rerun after rerun."

Indeed, this is like a walk through the junkyard, and it's become very hard to tell what's junk and what's the real deal.

Meanwhile, Bonds' answer on how he got so big remained the same as it always has been.

"Hard work, that's about it," Bonds said.

The "hard work" part is undeniable. The "that's about it" part is what some people just don't buy.

Whatever one might believe, contradictions surround Bonds when it comes to the steroids issue. What he has done these last five years has been off the charts at a time in his career when he's supposed to be tailing off -- so many assume he had to be juiced. He says he hasn't done anything wrong, but his former personal trainer and lifelong friend is at the center of the BALCO investigation -- so many assume he's guilty by association.

For those who believe assumptions of his guilt are truths, Bonds didn't offer any evidence to the contrary, other than his word -- and those who believe those things don't believe him in the first place.

For those of us who want to believe he never did anything wrong, we still can't say for sure, as much as we'd like to do so.

Until there's incontrovertible evidence and not just his word that he did not use performance-enhancing drugs, there will be those who suspect, or are downright convinced, that he used them.

"This whole thing in sports now has turned into a big circus," Bonds said in the middle of an answer about Canseco's book.

He's right, you know. It is a circus. He should know, because he's in the middle ring and won't be exiting the stage any time soon.

Now that you think about it, what does he expect?

Right or wrong, fair or unfair, this cloud will be there when he hits 715, and it'll be there if he gets to 755.

In the meantime, all Barry Bonds can do is what he's always done: Be Barry Bonds, which means being the most talented and accomplished player in baseball and one of the most enigmatic personalities the sports world has ever seen.